In the thick of it (a humorous essay)

Do you know how tired I am of people grouping me with those that don’t work? Yesterday, after a particularly trying incident, I imagined the scene as I would have liked to respond.

Says the stern-faced woman to me in a nasally tone over the brim of her glasses, “So, you don’t work, Mrs. Roy?”

Our eyes lock for a moment. My lips tighten as I adjust the fidgeting toddler on my lap. “No, ma’am, I can’t possibly work after I’ve planned for and prepared meals for six people at regular intervals throughout each and every day; maintained the never-ending laundry division of the home; supervised all sanitation aspects of our little haven of rest; sought clothing for the inmates; protected and reviewed the financial expenditures of the days, weeks, and months; looked after the health of the bodies that dwell together in these very quaint, close quarters; single-handedly tutored four little people that possess a whole kaleidoscope of learning styles; handled the disciplinary issues that arise multiple times during the course of the day while diligently and often quickly formulating the character deficiencies of each being (including my own), and having done so, contemplated the strengths and weaknesses of each all the while continuing to create an ever-changing plan to deal with them; and last but not least, prepare to discuss all of these happenings at the end of every day with my superior who, himself, is trying to maintain a business.  No—I couldn’t possibly add work to my life.” 

Elizabeth Roy, 2009

For the Love of a Tree

Plane Tree, planted 1680

Ombra Mai Fu (Never Was A Shade)

"Tender and beautiful fronds
of my beloved plane tree,
let Fate smile upon you.
May thunder, lightning, and storms
never disturb your dear peace,
nor may you by blowing winds be profaned.

Never was a shade
of any plant
dearer and more lovely,
or more sweet."

     I understand! I have heard this piece of music before. This time, however, noticing the title I wanted to translate the words to discover what had so inspired the composer to create such beautiful sounds. "Ombra Mai Fu" means, "Never Was a Shade." How intriguing! My eyes fell immediately on a picture of a stately tree. I glanced quickly back to read the words of this small work of grand feeling and at once I began to weep. I understand this love, this feeling of beauty and reverence! I understand the impulsion that caused the author to pen words and string sounds to describe something that embodies so much meaning and feeling deep within the breast. 

     The poem speaks of the Plane Tree. The tree is one of those grand sorts of trees; tall and lovely with a thick, grey-brown twisty kind of trunk and branches staggered along it reaching first out and then up. The leaves have a lime-green hue. The base of the tree pictured has a large opening where someone could climb into and hide—a grand, glorious tree! A wonder! A creation designed to pierce the conscience and lift the heart and mind to higher regions.

     I love the works of God in creation that make me feel as if He had just left the very place where I now stand; and the smell of Him and the imprints of His hands can almost be perceived. The air is suddenly sweet and still and the light is seemingly altered.  A quickening of my spirit arouses my senses and my soul perceives His presence and my heart hears His voice. 

     To me, a tree is a symbol of permanence, fortitude and perseverance. It is a monument. It sees generations of small hands, toddling feet, curious climbers and shade-seekers; boys who think they are cowboys and girls setting up for tea. It hears their whispers, laughter and tears. It feels the weight of the mother's back pressed upon it, and the weight of her head as she looks upwards through the leaves to her Jehovah Jireh(The Lord will provide) and her El Roi (The One who sees her). 

     Sometimes, I come across two trees that stand as sentinels, flanking an empty space where once stood a  home; a place where a mother cleaned and swept endless dirt and children let the screen door slam behind them as they unmindfully galloped through reality while in their imaginary world.  A tree provides shelter for birds and shade for man; memorials for a loved one gone and a meeting place for a loved one near.

     Oh! The lessons of the trees! Hope is found as I see their branches flail and their trunks sway in a summer storm. What pleasure there is to witness the beauty as their leaves catch the glorious rays of sunset or the life-giving dew from heaven, testifying to God's faithful care. Every season brings its particular battering rams; but in the resistance springs the strength. 

     Life is a series of continual changes for me but the trees stand erect, firm, and resolute. Marks of age reside within their bark, mine reside without. I look out my window to the same trees, same scene, and I praise my God who changes not and who will fortify me with the strength I need to stand erect, firm and resolute until my task of shading, protecting, memorializing, hearing the laughter, tears, prayers, and whispers of loved ones is done. 

My Life in Five Pictures

Recently I saw a picture of Albert Einstein. He was seated at his desk; his very large and very cluttered desk. The quote beneath it read, “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” (A.Einstein)

I take comfort in this image now as I try to find a resting place on my desk for my forearms as I type this. I have many, many items of various sorts and of various levels of importance waiting their turn for my attention. I choose instead to type. I have learned to write when the wave of inspiration floods my mind.

In going through our photographs to sort them into creative scrapbooks I have found an interesting series of images of me throughout the years. As I lay them in chronological order, I see the story of my life.

Age 4

I am wearing the borrowed and terribly coveted bridal ensemble from Mrs. Fortunato’s Pre-school classroom. My mother brought me to the quaint and beautiful Bucks County stone home in the mornings and deposited me in the red barn-turned-classroom to play and to learn. I learned the “A Tisket a Tasket a Green and Yellow Basket” song here. It was here I had my debut as “Vixen” the reindeer in the Christmas play, and I always played the bride at dress up time. The dear Mrs. Fortunato, with her snow white straight chin-length hair and dark rimmed glasses, sweetly allowed me to take the outfit home on this particular day; a small but endearing act on her part. Here I stand in my bedroom, which I dearly loved, with its pink and green theme, ball-fringed curtain tie-backs and pink shag rug. I was a terribly happy child with only grand expectations for the wonderful and accepting world waiting to hand me my future. I smiled at the world and the world smiled back at me.

Age 18

It is my first day of community college. My car, my fashionable wide belt, my fluffy hair and my smile; I’m sure that’s all I’ll need. I’ve put on some weight over the last year as life begins to spin out of control. The white van in the background is the one my mother bought for her dried flower business. She is trying to earn money for the Great Departure. In one year, everything will change. I had already met my future husband two years prior to this image, but alas, in my 16 year old wisdom I moved him from “first boyfriend” status to “just a friend”. At this point in my life he is a dear friend to me.

Age 22

Honeymoon breakfast in Beach Haven, New Jersey. Ron stops to take a picture as we prepare to leave in our borrowed sports car.  I take a picture of him just before this one. I have shed my weight. I have also shed weights and plans in exchange for the rest that I trust will come from being with my friend for always. I trust all will work out. We rushed to plan a wedding in 6 weeks’ time. We are both 22 years old. In three short months I will become pregnant. I am unprepared. I keep smiling, looking hard for the world to smile back at me.

Age 33

Reality has come hard and in three years from this image I will battle fiercely with depression. The first years of marriage have had its trials and they seem to continue without sign of easing. Our normal life doesn’t seem to fit at all the one I ordered from the “This was Your Life” catalog. I’ve come to know the Lord and this has been a great help in anchoring my soul and in giving me purpose in my position as wife and mother, but I persist in trying to force my expectations of life onto the persistent circumstances and this tension produces an incredible strain.  Four children came in 7 years’ time. In this picture I am sitting on a stone wall at Fonthill, the location of our wedding reception. The four children are playing around a small pond in front of me just out of the lens’ view. This world couldn’t be more different and unfamiliar from the one just 11 years prior when I stood as a bride on this very spot. The Lord is using this time to break me and mold me into something I had never conceived. I know in my head and even in my heart that I am a blessed woman and these children that have been given to my husband and to me are gifts of incredible worth. I know that God will work it all out. I just can’t quite align my seemingly contrary circumstances to His apparent plan of good. I smile on the outside as I die on the inside.

Age 46

Thirteen years later. An event at church allows the girls and I to don our chapeaux. Grace takes this picture of me in the early morning light as we depart. I see a settledness in my features. In the years now past I have seen the perseverance of my husband and the consistent, faithful and benevolent care of my dear Lord. Though, at the time of this picture, the future is as unclear as it has ever been, I don’t seem to mind. I have seen how the Lord has led and I am content to walk by His side and not run ahead. I have seen one child married now, and at this point I am thinking it won’t be long until another flies, too. Little did I know how right I was. I love that I am dressed up and wearing a hat and that my sweet daughters are also decorated in their finery. Our children make us laugh and they make us proud. We have weathered the early storms and they have formed us.

We have built a home. We have sought to dispense love and wisdom to our children. We long for them to stand on their own with their eyes fixed on God and their hand in the hand of their very own loved ones. There is less, “I wonder…” now and more, “I see.” I worry sometimes how a quick burst into laughter at something poignant or sentimental melts right into a brief tearful fit of sobbing. Joy and sadness seem to dwell so closely now, but I’m okay with this. Love and loss, laughter and tears, victories and struggles all seem to be a part of this life and without the blessed mixture of them all we really wouldn’t be living.

At 22, when I was a new bride, I knew nothing of life, of determination, and of true wealth that is measured in that which has no price. I am as wealthy as can be. This reality, God’s economy, is the true reality and impoverished not am I. His custom made path for each person is right and true and just. I have, Lord willing, more miles to journey and am sure that more treacherous paths await me, but fearful not I choose to be. For He walks with me, carrying me when necessary, and teaches me, always teaches me, that His way is the blessed way.

Silly me, I was looking to the world to be so kind and benevolent. When I called out to Him, He accepted me and handed me my future. Now, I smile at Him and He smiles back at me. And His is the only smile I need.

Portals of Time

Two boards hang on our bedroom wall. Flanking my bureau they stand as two pillars, monuments of what makes us, us. On our wall we have placed printed reminders of why we are called a family and what that means forevermore.

The past and the present intermingle. Amazing it is to gaze into the eyes of a younger you, then step two feet to the left and stare into those same eyes in a mirror you purchased as a young bride never knowing of the reflections to come. Spring, winter, golden fall, pictures of my babies, my boys, my men; greenhouse with a youthful father of mine and his tender tomato plants; my young husband in his trademark jeans and blue flannel with his dog; weddings, graduations, a trip to the shore; armfuls of puppies; a yet-to-be first born in the womb of a naïve 23 year old woman hosting her first Easter; and sisters in dresses at 5 and at 12-- the same sisters in dresses again at 16 and 23; same chair, same shaded setting. 

Moments held suspended in time on photographic paper gingerly tacked to a board on our wall. In uncertain times it is good and right to fix one’s eyes on the solid and immoveable. Moments that have traveled through the bottleneck of the hourglass should be viewed with gratitude and as a window to our future. God frequently reminded the Israelites of where they had been, who they were and where He was taking them, which was invariably, closer to Himself. Likewise, images of the past remind us of God’s blessing and provision which, when meditated gratefully upon, serve to draw us closer to Him.

Therefore, it seems good to me to medialize; to bring the past, present and future together in one place; to draw together the pieces of what has brought me to this place in time. I look to see who I am and Whose I am by seeing where I’ve been and seek to envision where I am going. The particulars of where I am going aren’t as important as knowing that I must cleave to the One who is leading me there. There are clues from my past from which I may glean lessons and strength for my future.

I highly recommend finding the images of your past and placing them in your present; right before your face. I frequently stop and stare at these images and am reminded of my position as mother, wife, friend and daughter of the King. It reminds me why I want to improve myself and that I want to collect more memories to add to our wall. It reminds me to actively create the moments that we will want to capture and then pin to our wall.

Sometimes I find my husband stopping to look through these portals of time. My children, too, will occasionally be drawn to the boards as they notice a new image or two has been added. When they do, they stop and stare. Their eyes drift from one image to the next, with a smile upon their face. They will point one out and vocalize their perspective. Often these comments produce laughter and, inevitably, warmth between the spirits in the room.

As for the particulars, I found two pale mauve office boards, circa 1990 at a thrift store that must weigh at least 10 pounds each. They have cut outs in the back for use in mounting to the wall. They are made of a material that thumb tacks can be pressed into them. They measure about 18” x 36” x 1”. I purchased a yard of decorator fabric that complemented our room and used fabric glue and a staple gun to wrap the front side of the board. I use clear tacks to hold pictures to the board without piercing the actual picture. This is a truly simple craft for the non-crafty person. Any board will do that can be covered and that will hold a tack.

The images you gather are representative of the souls God has placed in your home. As governess of your home, please understand that, “Home influence may be estimated from the immense force of its impressions. It is the prerogative of home to make the first impression upon our nature, and to give that nature its first direction onward and upward. It uncovers the moral fountain, chooses its channel, and gives the stream its first impulse. It makes the ‘first stamp and sets the first seal’ upon the plastic nature of the child. It gives the first tone to our desires and furnishes ingredients that will either sweeten or embitter the whole cup of life…Our habits, too, are formed under the moulding power of home. The ‘tender twig’ is there bent, the spirit shaped, principles implanted, and the whole character is formed until it becomes a habit. Goodness or evil are there ‘resolved into necessity.’ Who does not feel this influence of home upon all his habits of life”  The Royal Path of Life, Home Influence.

Fleeting

I am cultivating a garden fair;
With blooms so lovely and so rare.
Faithfully I tend to the daily needs;
In this unremitting fight in the Battle of the Weeds.
Though in this journey I grow weary, for the end seems always off afar;

Yet this truth I must believe: that this all, too soon, shall pass.

At present, the journey seems without end.
Yet faintly, I hear the truth that they are here, with me, merely on lend.
Yes, soon she'll be walking an aisle
Where just yesterday I kissed her little face and held her little hand.
Yes, his boots will soon outgrow my feet
And he'll be rummaging relentlessly for something more to eat.
Oh, little one with hopeful, smiling eyes and soft, needy hands;
Let me hold your gaze a little longer and hold your hand a little tighter,

For I am painfully aware that this all too soon shall pass.

They are but visitors stopping by my home
For a short repose before moving on to lands they'll call their own.
They are precious blossoms in my garden that soon will fade away;
For can the lilac bloom past the early spring? And can the lily linger longer than the day?
Precious blooms of magnificent artistry and design;
A season short with possibilities divine!
I relish in their company, their beauty, and the wonder of it all,
As I cry to know

That this all, too soon, shall pass...
Oh, I say, this all, too soon, has passed.

     This poem was begun when my four little lambs were the ages of 10-17. Precious, precious are the times that are no more. Weary mother, breathe deeply the air of memories being cast, of days made alive with noise and clutter and questions and battles of the wills.
     This season of home-life, of the formation of your family circle, is a turbulent time; wild, full of emotional highs and lows. In it you see the best of you and the worst of you, all the while your children are assimilating this whole atmosphere of you. Daily they imbibe the ideas of love, of fidelity, of mastery and of God by observing you. Your tones, your attitudes, your actions, your reactions speak to them in volumes recorded on their soul.
     Tread carefully, tread mindfully through this land of young motherhood. Treasure this fleeting season where your influence is most profound.

Signed,
One who is seeing where the road ends

Femininity

A lady is a complete package. You cannot paste femininity on, it must come forth from within and influence all that you are; all that you wear, say and do; its evidence will be seen in your conversation; in your life as a whole. There is no magic pill: no perfect hairstyle, outfit, spouse, no best friend that will make you a lady in the fullest sense.Think of being a lady as the sum of the parts. Yes, clothing matters, but so does attitude. Yes, neatness in appearance (beauty and health) matters, but so do internal motivations. Yes, tone of voice matters, but so does submission of spirit.

God gives us the framework. We get to utilize our personalities with this framework. Don't be afraid to stretch beyond your fears to become who God has made you to be. We are uptight, trying to fit our squareness into round holes. Stop. Breathe. Stretch. Walk closely with Christ. Let Him stretch you within the beautiful confines of womanhood, ladyhood, femininity. Learn from Him the art delicacy and strength as you've never known and in a way that no man can understand. Everything that you do can be done gracefully. It's in the turn of a wrist, a tilt of the head, a calmness of expression, a relaxing of the shoulders. It's in the way you carry yourself.

See your feet? See your hands?Touch the hair upon your head. Gifts. All precious gifts to be used rightly. Look at that body type you've been given. It is a covering for your glorious organs within that are functioning properly. When did you last thank God for these things? Praise Him for it right now and from this moment on. Your entire being is a miracle. Disdain any part of this and you disdain the Creator who custom made you for your life. Remove all negative thoughts at the gateway of your mind and instead focus on pleasing Him in all you think, do and say, in how you dress, walk, and touch the lives around you. Reset your thoughts every morning. Don't keep looking out towards others to find you. Look up and look in. Breathe. Get ready to really live as you live as the woman you were truly meant to be.

I've been meditating lately on what makes a good photograph. By the way, meditation is a good thing. Learn to think deeply. Give your brain time to process what it is taking in. You can't do that if you are “connected” to devices for the majority of your day, flitting from one juicy bit of info to another, intoxicated on the sweet nectar of knowing who did what with whom and when. Reminds me of the double-minded man verses, and the, “ye cannot serve God and mammon verses, and the, “Think on theses things”verses. Hmmm, seems like some of us have chosen the thralldom (voluntary slavery) of popular culture and have willingly disconnected ourselves from the still small voice of God and that's very sad.

So, what makes a good photograph? Three things, according to me:

1. Simple lines.
2. No distracting clothing or background.
3. True connection of the subject to the one viewing the photograph or to another person within the photograph.

Let's talk about these as I feel they are deeply connected, in an oddly perfect way, to that of being a lady.

First, simple lines. Notice in this artwork entitled, “Elegante,” how a few lines can create a complete image. Precisely! There are very few, and very basic observations that are made in the life of another that actually define the whole person. Simple lines in the life of a true lady can be found in her non-cluttered life. Her speech, her dress, her room, her home, her goals, all follow a simple and direct trajectory determined by her choice to please God first and not have her mind on the opinion of others.

Note this beautiful image of a vase and flowers. This image fits well in our talk about being a lady. I see a continum of grace and proportions as should be seen throughout every aspect of the life of a lady. Just as someone created this arrangement, choosing the color of flower, the texture of the vase, and the canvas of the wall behind it, we are to live deliberately, speak deliberately, act deliberately. What we say is what we mean and what we will do. Our lives need not be complicated.Nothing of great value and worth happens by accident, it takes work. Likewise it is with a beautiful picture, it very rarely is an accident. There is so much effort, thought, study, practice that goes into the creation of a work of art. Friend, we are to love God supremely and we are to love and therefore deal with others and we would have them deal with us. This is the work of a lifetime. If we are to marry, we are to be a keeper of the home with which we are blessed. That will be our focus. Love God. Love others. Care for those things that God has given you charge. To be successful in this requires deliberate focus, attention, and sacrifice.

Next, no distractions in clothing or background. First, clothing. In a portrait, a boldly patterned top is a poor choice. So is wearing a color that isn't right for your skin tone. Also, a lack of material to cover one's self is a distraction from the actual person, the soul in the photograph. So goes our life as a lady. Clothing has a purpose and it can be used to distraction or to attraction to the actual soul within the clothing. We make not only clothing choices, but many other choices daily. This can be likened to having no distractions in our present life as a lady. Choose wisely throughout this day knowing that the minor will greatly affect the major. Daily choices alter the place you land a year from now. Little leaks sink great ships.

As far as background goes, a distracting background could refer to our moral choices, our past. You know, today you are creating your “past” and you are totally in control of that. Even if something devastating were to happen to you, you can still be in total control of your reactions and your attitude towards the event that God Himself allowed. In photography, a good artist will watch the color palette of the entire scene. In great images, the background blends seemlessly with the subject, likewise the pose matches the person. God is working the circumstances in our lives together to seemlessly blend all for our good and for His glory. Put your train car on the track of true womanhood and you'll be surprised how much easier it is to get to where you are supposed to be. We have so much to do with the final image of our life.

Third, true connection. This one fascinates me as a photographer. It is what I'm after every time I shoot. In order to get this from my subject I must first gain their trust. I must allow them to feel safe with me so that they can allow their true self to come forth. You see it in their eyes, their smile and in their body language.

The best way I can do that is to become honestly interested in them as a person, to smile genuinely at them as I listen to them, and to show vulnerability as a human being.

As a lady, true connection to the eternal souls around me can only take place as honesty and vulnerability rise to the surface of my life. I must lay down my pride and my sense of competition. You do realize that it's not a competition between any of us, right? You will wake up one day and realize that so and so was not the standard, nor was she all that you thought she was. You will realize the standard is Christ and that you are in a race against yourself on a very unique course that He has set for you.

The ballerina. This is a beautiful image. Do you know how hard it is to look graceful while performing under great physical strain? This takes great effort, great discipline. Welcome, ladies, to the strength of a woman: Self-control, a fine-tuned body, simple coverings, purpose, determination, and strength. Obtaining a life of simple lines, no distractions and true connection will take great effort on your part. Great effort. But if you will let it be the crowning purpose of your life, to live life as a true lady, it will become the crowning achievement of your life, affecting all those that surround you and that will follow after you.

Take note and set out to learn of the silent influence of a woman. I quote, “Cruelty she despises, and it lessens at her bidding; purtiy she admires and it grows in her presence...” From the same ancient book, “This influence is due not exclusively to the fascination of her charms, but to the strength, uniformity, and consistency of her virtues, maintained under so many sacrifices and with so much fortitude and heroism. Without these endowments and qualifications, external attractions are nothing; but with them, their power is irresistible.” (Golden Gems of Life)

Femininity is not a one size fits all, set in stone, cookie cutter pattern that you can memorize and put on and take off according to your circumstances or depending on the company you keep. I can not show you the one true image of Feminine; I can only describe its qualities and when you find someone displaying these qualities, though the people don't always look the same, you will know a true lady when you see one because these qualities appear in every facet of her life. And her presence in your life will always call you up to a higher plane.

Ladies, it really does matter that your skirt is pressed, that you hold that door open for someone, that you smile at your parents, and thank them. That you move gently through the house, and keep your areas neat. That you not only seek to be good, but to do good. The details matter as it is the little things that make up the whole. Tucked in amongst the gross sins in Romans 1 are the culturally acceptable sins, even within the church, of “disobedient to parents” and “unthankful”. These things ought not so to be. Young ladies, when did you last thank your mom for her care for you? A true lady lives in a constant state of gratitude. How often do you roll your eyes, outwardly or inwardly, as your parents speak to you? A true lady shows respect at all times. Symptoms, my friends, symptoms of a greater and uglier issue. Disobedience and unthankfulness allowed in the child, or within your own life, breeds a contempt for authority and will, if left unchecked, feed the selfish nature and lead to an isolation from God.

Young, sweet one sitting here, you may have learned to dress like a lady, but you may not be acting like one. You cannot have the glory of the title without having earned it. The outward appearance crumbles without a true foundation. Victory and glory comes after a battle. The battle is one of ideas that begins in the mind and must have its foundations based squarely on God's eternal word. Being a lady is the sum of the parts. All of you must be in harmony with the feminine calling on your life. This is who you are! Don't shame the office of woman. It is a high and holy calling to be the one positioned as Keeper of the Home.

To be the one to bear children and to nourish them physically, mentally and spiritually. And to do it all gracefully with great purpose and determination. You will not get up one day and discover that you have become a lady, you must get up every day striving to live up to the honorable title.

God is concerned with your heart, your soul, the fabric of what makes you. Your femininity is a generalized and transparent cloak that hangs on this magnificent infrastructure called You. By creating you as a woman He has given you a beautiful framework in which to accomplish your task. All of this today is to help to you be the best version of you! You have a God. You are a girl. So, this means two things are settled: you know from Whom you are to seek direction (God), and you know how you are to walk your unique path (like a lady).

Femininity looks a bit different on each of us. There are Biblical standards set, such as: having a behavior as becometh holiness, not a false accuser, one that teaches good things, sober, discreet, loves others, chaste, and good, etc. Great respect is given to a true lady. How you carry yourself backs up your speech, your dress, your outward display, or else it eliminates any credibility you may seem to have. Your words will carry so much more weight when backed by a fiercely feminine life. Humans are designed this way. How much more effective could we be to this world if our grace-filled souls were living in harmony with a grace-filled life; our walk, talk, mannerisms, tone of voice, gentleness of touch, sweetness of spirit, all fulfilling God's plan of woman.

Like putting on a beautiful, elegant dress makes you feel beautiful and elegant, so too, the cloak of femininity covers and infiltrates every aspect of your life creating a beautiful world where others will long to dwell; where you are queen and keeper.

(Author's note: photographs #1-8, 11 and 12 we taken from the internet. The rest were taken by the author.)

A Mother's Prayer

Dearest Lord, may we use this time when our children are small to prepare our hearts to love them as You have loved us; to prepare our hands to serve them through our daily tasks; to prepare our feet to go where You need us to go in order to bring them to You; to prepare our mouths to speak Your words, gently, effectively and continually; to prepare our ears to hear their heart needs; to prepare our eyes to see what holds their affections; and to prepare our minds by filling them with Your Word.  Daily, hourly, moment by moment may we dwell in the knowledge of You. 

Amen. 

ER March, 1998

“O call back yesterday, bid time return!”

  
   I sat in a coffee shop with a dear young woman awaiting the birth of her first child. I first met this woman when she was 9 months old. I was her babysitter and remained so for the next 8 years. I have a special place in my heart for Katey and it has been years since we sat close, talking and laughing. It reminded me of what a privilege is this task of motherhood. I pray she realizes the enormity of what lay before her and that she would cast her complete dependence upon Christ.

Delivered at a baby shower, spring 2014…

“O call back yesterday, bid time return”, says Shakespeare.

There is a wisdom that comes with the years. And could we, who have gone before you, have opportunity to redo our early motherhood, bringing the wisdom of our today back with us to our distant yesterday…hmmmm, but, alas, we cannot. We can only relay to your heart what we see from our vantage point. You sit here in the privileged place of The Beginning. With the birth of this precious soul, you and your husband embark on your own unique journey.

A quote hung in our boys’ room for the longest time: “Your life is like the driven snow. Be careful how you tread it for every track will show.” Your journey of motherhood is yet in its infancy, just like your soon-to-appear newborn babe. I encourage you to handle your new and privileged position of mother as carefully, as delicately and as wisely as you will be handling that lovely and wondrous and miraculous new baby.

A mother is a beautiful thing; purposefully directing her child’s attention to that which is beautiful, lovely, divine. When a mother has conquered herself, her children will feel the blessing of that, as she can now bestow upon them the greatest of blessings. “To Timothy, my dearly beloved son: Grace, mercy and peace, from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.” (2 Timothy 1:2) Three of the most blessed things that can be bestowed upon a human being: grace, mercy and peace. We can offer these to our children only when we have tasted of them ourselves.

Our life with our children begins with labor; intense, physical labor and great, personal sacrifice. Why do we think that will stop with the birth? Or that it should stop? The labor continues. For we must continue in intense spiritual labors for their souls; entreating God to not only work a miracle of regeneration in their hearts but to also work a miracle of a total transformation of our own heart from selfish woman to selfless mother. Just as a child moves from infancy to toddlerhood where he must learn some very basic lessons such as, “Obey Mommy and Daddy” and “Share”; these are the foundational lessons of submission, sacrifice and selflessness. In this stage of early motherhood great personal sacrifice must continue long after the labor ends as we die to ourselves, namely: to our will, our plans, our personal ambitions, our pride, and learn to serve others with a pure heart.

As the toddler grows and moves to elementary learning, he is quickly faced with the basic building blocks for the advanced lessons yet to come. So, too, for the mother comes some early lessons crucial to future success. I believe that perhaps your greatest need, and one of your most basic lessons as a mother, is going to be in learning how to walk with your God. For life is filled with both the bitter and the sweet. In the midst of Job’s terrible suffering he cried out in profound desire, “Oh that I knew where I might find Him! That I might come even to His seat! I would order my cause before Him, and fill my mouth with arguments. I would know the words which He would answer me, and understand what He would say unto me. Will He plead against me with His great power? No; but He would put strength in me.” (Job 23:3-6) Job is trusting in God’s mercy and God’s good plan for his life but is struggling to draw the more closely to the only One who can make sense of it all. In the agonizing “whys?” along life’s way there is for the Christian mother the assurance that the All-Powerful God longs to impart this generative power to us, “He would put strength in me”, that we might know Him and understand Him in the midst of the pain and in the turmoil of questioning, that the great I Am is and that He walks with us. Seeking first His strength and His help through His Word and through prayer is key to the lessons yet to come on this journey of motherhood.

Ah, yes, the bittersweet of motherhood. How keenly we feel it. Dear young mother, you know not what lies before you. I encourage you to set your will firmly in line with the Lord’s and drink in the entire experience. Ladies, remember labor? What were we coached to do? “Breathe, Breathe! Work with the pain.” That advice is very good! That advice carries through long after the labor pains have passed: terrors such as the realization that this child, this eternal soul, makes its own choices, and must suffer its own consequences; the brutal reality that this child has its own will; and that much of her life is completely out of our control. Mothers: Breathe! Pray! Breathe! Pray! As natural as breathing, should be our communication with God. A continual conversation should flow from our hearts to His throne. This sweet, this precious, this hard, this scary, this exhausting, this exhilarating experience of motherhood; drink it in deeply. Savor the cup.

Throw yourself into this motherhood. Give it your very all. The master passion of your life has been decided for you as you now bear the title of mother. Succeed you must! And in Him, succeed you will. From the old book, The Golden Gems of Life, “Success is the child of confidence and perseverance. The talent of success is simply doing what you can do well, and doing well whatever you do, without a thought of fame…Success in life is the proper and harmonious development of those faculties which God has given us. Whatever you try to do in life, try with all your heart to do it well; whatever you devote yourself to, devote yourself to it completely. …There is no substitute for thorough-going, ardent, sincere earnestness.” And I say, there is no failing as a mother if you seek to live fully in the present; devoting yourself to your sacred calling and to God; striving daily to walk with Him in lowliness of mind and meekness of heart bringing your children alongside of you.

There is no “perfect”. The finish line is death. Our goal is to spend ourselves for Christ while we yet have breath. The race is your own and your only competition is you. God has called you to the task of motherhood. Rise to its challenge. Die trying if you must but don’t quit. I remember a time of terror during one of my pregnancies when I believed I could not move forward. I still had some months left before the delivery, and being my fourth, I knew what was ahead. I wasn’t up for this task and all that lay before me. I had completely panicked. My husband leaned over my hospital bed, held my hand, looked into my eyes and said, “You must. There’s a baby in there who is counting on you. You must and you can.” There was no way out but forward! So, too, in this Christian life. Fears? Yep, but face them we must. Fatigue? Most certainly, but wisely pressing onward we must go. Failures? Absolutely! “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again...”

Don’t give up! You cannot avoid the lessons slated for you to learn. We must remain at our post and overcome. The enemy is waiting, lurking, seeking whom he may devour. There is a child, perhaps children counting on you not to give up but to pursue your calling of Mother with every fiber of your being.

Let me encourage you today, all of you dear, dear ladies: a mother is a beautiful thing; an emblem of grace and beauty; of survival and selflessness. Grace, mercy and peace… A gentle hand, a smiling eye, a patient response… …these are some of the great blessings in this life and you have the power to freely give them. Are you deserving of that forgiveness, of that grace, of that mercy Christ has brought to you? Neither are your children nor your husband worthy. Freely you have been given, freely give. Live today as one who holds the gracious trust of mother and dispense your influence wisely to those particular souls that have been positioned at your feet, on your lap, at your side by God Himself.